“This was the first time in my life that so many things would never happen again.” –Paper Towns by John Green.
If people were honest, this would be the number one fear in America. A majority of us are scared of change. Yet, change is a sign of maturity and growth – a way the world reveals to us that life means something.
This is hard for me to admit, but I am scared of change.
Oh yeah, from 2014 to 2015, I graduated college, earned my first (and second) real job, proposed to my love, flown nearly 20,000 miles and have (and will) see two of my best friends get married. Let's just say, in a span of a year, I've had my fair share of life changes.
But, unbenownst to many, I was terrified every step of the way. When I moved to Seattle, there were days I felt like I abandoned the people who meant the world to me. When I graduated college, a piece of me knew that I would never see days where I just slept in until noon after staying up late, drinking til 3 am.
While I stared down the eyes of the world’s nightmare, I realized that change plays a crucial role in our lives. Without change, I wouldn’t have met my PNW family. Without change, I wouldn't have heard my love say, “Yes.” Without change, I wouldn’t have known that I love hiking and seeing the world. Because of change, I finally understood why we need to cherish every precious second we have with family and friends.
With change, we learn; we thrive; we appreciate; we hurt; we smile.
Change still terrifies me, but there are moments like today where I need to take a deep breath and understood why it’s a gift.
I’m writing this blog, after ignoring it since Super Bowl XVIII (Feb. 2014), because I messed up. I got into an argument with my fiancé because she was getting a belly button ring. Why did we "debate heavily?" Because I am scared of change. I was scared that this was the beginning of something different.
Then, as I read the book Paper Towns – a book we’re reading together – I realized that I’m actually really proud of her. Cadence is the type of girl who is scared of risks – scared of the thrill of life. She would get to the edge but wouldn’t look down. However, for the first time, she is embracing her fear. She took a deep breath and saw that the cliff wasn’t so terrifying. She’s getting a belly button ring.
I was in the wrong for being scared of this change. Instead of seeing it as an opportunity, I saw it as this terrifying road we should avoid at all cost. Turns out, this is a moment for her to shine and for me to sit back and smile.
In the end, even the slightest alterations in life can have a grander meaning. While it seems ridiculous for people that I would write a lengthy blog on change simply because of a fight – to me it’s important. I wanted to share with everyone that accepting change, no matter how big or how small, isn't so bad.
Also, last night, I watched my fiancé get her belly button ring thanks to FaceTime (gotta love technology).